I remember, about four years ago, experiencing a challenging moment and me crying out to my mom saying, “This is my lowest point. I’ve never felt this low before.” Although, that was an exaggerated view of what was happening at the time, to me I felt spiritually broken. Being that I hadn’t developed certain spiritual skills to get me through that moment caused me to be unbalanced. Which heightened my emotions from the undealt pain of my past, and I broke down. But, looking back on that situation and comparing it to whats been happening in my life recently, definitely makes me feel that now I’m at a my “low point.”
Towards the end of last year, I made some discoveries that changed my perspective on life. I thought that's all I needed to experience my “big break.” How silly of me to believe that. What ends up happening was me entering into a new phase of more life lessons with no emotional breaks. It took me to pray without ceasing to make it through this year (1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18: Rejoice always, pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus to you.) I’ve been tested in every area of my life that I needed to make stronger. In the beginning, I didn’t understand why I was going through certain things, so I asked God to reveal to me why. Slowly but surely God showed me what His plan was for my life. Even with knowing what God was doing for me I still felt low.
I desperately needed peace to get me through my emotional breakdowns, and I wanted to know how to obtain it. One day while I was saying my morning prayers God told me I needed to accept the truth. Hearing that opened me up and I began to cry because I knew that I hadn’t accepted the things that God wanted me to do. That's why I kept having breakdowns and felt unstable mentally because I was fighting between what I wanted and what God wanted. Although God shows us the answers, He still gives us free will to choose. Now it was time for me to make a decision. We can continue to feel unbalanced by doing what we want, or we can feel complete and at ease by listening to God.
Even though it hurts to let go of what I want I know that I have to, so God can restore some things. I pray that by me opening up about my struggles helps someone. Allow God to enter into your life and give Him permission to take control. You are loved!
Racquel Bianca John
📸 by: Isaiah John | Edited by: Me